Suzuki Kanon: Why will your smile be leaving?

The time has come. I knew it was coming, but still I was shocked. 
Suzuki Kanon, 9th generation member, announced her graduation from both Momusu and H!P.
Another 9th gen member is leaving us and it's already during their Spring Tour. 

The 9th gen was, like I said many times, my first new generation of Momusu. I followed Mogi, Eripon, Aina, Kanon and RihoRiho from the first audition.

Okay this part above is from 4 months ago. I am again trying to write this post. But even today I can not really write what I feel.

Zukki is so special to me. She hasn't been in my top 5 for a while, yet her announcement broke me. I really do not know how to explain what I feel and how sad I am. It actually kind of scares me she is going to leave Morning Musume and I don't really know why. 

Okay let me just talk about Kanon. Let's start with that. 

Like I said before, 9th gen was my first ever generation of Momusu. I had never really followed any auditions (Exept for Tanabe Nanami's audition) and I really loved it. Ofcourse I liked all girls and I wanted them all to be in Morning Musume. My love for Zukki hadn't really started here. I did see her charm, but I was kinda meh about her. I actually adored Eripon, Riho and Aina the most. I remember thinking to myself: If they let Riho go they are crazy. When the day of the announcement came I was sooooo exited. I could not wait for the news. Back then I was not really that good at finding information and I had to wait for people on one of the forums to say who won.
I remember actually being mad that Mizuki got in. Not that I didn't like her, I was just really mad Aina and Mogi worked so hard during the auditions to be replaced by one of Tsunku's favorites. Ofcourse back than I didn't understand Eggs/Kenshuusei worked really hard for their debut too. 
Anyway back to Zukki. When I heared these 4 girls won, I was happy. Eripon and Riho were choosen, so I was really glad. Although this was the case, before I knew it Zukki stole my heart. I bought her photocards and loved her happy face.
Zukki was just a ray of sunshine in Morning Musume. She was so new and fresh and diffrent from the current girls. It made me happy to see her in Morning Musume. She was (is) such a cutie and she was soo small and tiny. I actually really enjoyed her voice, although a lot of fans did not. When 9th gen joined we got to follow them really closely through a tv program, which was great. We got to actually know them and their struggles. 
Little miss Sunshine was soon overshadowed by Riho, just like the other 9th gen members. But she was always the smiling presence in Morning Musume singles. Gosh did she grow up fast. When you look at the picture above she really is such a little kid, but when we look a few single further:
She grew up so fast and around this time people started with calling her fat. A lot of fans say it started around One.Two.Three, but I remember it starting here. On the left picture people gave really hard comments, eventhough Zukki was still so young and tiny. I never understood it. Never. I know Zukki got "bigger" than the other girls. But fat, no never.
I mean she did change a lot and her tiny-ness left her. But she was still little miss sunshine. Yet to be honest, around this time other girls started to catch my attention, I was really blow away by the 10th gen. I had been rooting for Haruka since forever and I adored Harunan and Ayumi from day one. So my attention had to be divided and Eripon was climbing high into my rankings too. 
Zukki, beautiful Zukki. I realised she was having a hard time with her weight and what other people thought of it around Brainstorming. It makes me so sad to see people call her fat or ugly or not fit for Morning Musume. Listen well to me: Every girl that gets into Morning Musume is fit for it. They are not just choosen because they have a cute face, great boobs or just a nice voice. They are choosen because they are more. Morning Musume is the whole package and more. They are funny, cute, talented and have something special about them. Same with Zukki. She is 100% fit to be in Morning Musume and she finally got to prove it during Oh my Wish! But I am getting ahead of myself. 
Let's first talk about the Seishun/Yuugure disaster. When I heared Zukki had a sprained ankle and would not be able to participated in a lot of events nor the dance shots of Momusu's upcoming single. Miyamoto Karin would replace her in the dance-shots to repay Morning Musume for lending Ayumi during the time Miyamoto had a thing with her feet and couldn't dance in the MV for Ijiwaru shinaide. Although Zukki was present at the shooting, all her solo shots and group shot, hell all her shots were given to Karin. ALL OF THEM and she got more than Kanon ever had. Please understand me right, I do not hate Karin, I hate the person who thought this was a good idea. One Zukki was present and even recorded her solo shot, second Karin is NOT a member of Morning Musume and third what the hell!!! They actually cut Zukki from both MV's. I still don't understand it. At all. Where they punishing her? Why would you cut out of a MV like that? They never did that to Aika?!
Honestly I still boycot both MV's while I actually love the songs and both MV's. I still am so mad about this. I feel like managment disappointed me, a lot of fans and Zukki, but also took something from us. I am really really mad about this and even Oh my Wish! couldn't make up for it, although this really was a suprise for me. When fans started about Zukki and Kudo being center, I laughed. I actually remember laughing. I did not believe it at all. Why would management make two mv's without Zukki and suddenly push her? 
Nevertheless she looked awsome and oh my gosh that song. I was super exited for the song and the MV and they were better than anything I had ever imagend. Zukki looked sooo good. And yes I noticed she lost a lot of weight. Again she was never fat in my eyes, but I have to admit she looked stunning. Just before Michishige left Kanon got the huge shock of being incredibly popular in the USA. I was so happy for her and seeing her shine in her first ever center song (eventhough it was a shared center). I remember tearing up watching the whole MV and remembering Mini Zukki meeting the fans for the first time and telling them she wanted to be Morning Musume's center. 
Yet with this amazing news, haters were still gonna hate. I have seen so many comments about zukki: She said she was happy chubby, why did she lose weight? It was hard to watch as a fan. Yes, Zukki said she was happy being the chubby girl and she didn't care about it, but as a chubby girl myself EVERYTHING people say about your weight is like someone hits you with a baseball bat right in the head. I don't really mind my weight, but because other people tell me I am fat or "did you gain weight?" I get insecure and I am sure the same counts for Zukki. So seeing her lose the weigth and being rewarded by the management made me really happy and HATERS ARE GONNA HAAATEEE. 
And ofcourse the hate kept going on when Zukki started to put on weight again. Instead of understanding how young she is and how much energy she needs to preform, they just urgh... 
When Riho Riho graduated I knew Zukki's graduation was around the corner. I actually kind of thought she would have given up much earlier on. I underestimated Zukki and how strong she is. Still she is now leaving us and I can not blame her. She wants to do something good for the world and it makes me proud to be her fan. Yet I wish I didn't have the feeling this is also because of the fans who call her fat. 
Suzuki, I will miss you so much. It is really hard for me to let you go. Eventhough this is the case, I am so proud of you. How you always got strength out of every situation and how you presented yourself. You are a great rolemodel and will always be. Sweet sweet Zukki, my little miss sunshine. Urgh how I love you and how I look up to you eventhough I am years older. Strong Zukki, beautiful Zukki. I wish you all the happiness in the world and that your dreams may come true and grow on. 
I will cry the day you leave us, but I know is someone can make other smile and happy, it is you. 
Keep on dreaming sweet smiling Zukki. 

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